I'll See You


HERE.



Please head on to my new home, http://kidgnarly.me
Thank you for everything, and I love you.

0 comments:

Friday's Ten Happy Things.10




What a week, this week. I'm so happy, because everything's steady. Not very sine wave-ish. Thank you God. Okay, let me get started as I have a couple of posts lined up as drafts that I have to get to. 

1.) DREW'S LASAGNA. Last week he made it out of Cauliflower. This week we went with Traditional red sauce Lasagna and I wept because of how good it was. I couldn't even take a photo because I just wanted to stuff my mouth the moment I smelled the melted cheese. Thinking about it now makes me cry again.


2.) MINDY. Not just the latest ep (which was precious because IKE AND DANNY, ugh) but this photo of her that was posted by Sonia months ago - I'd just seen it the other day! Queen.



3.) MY FAVES INTERACTING ON TWITTER. Elon Musk and Aaron Paul? Then these three? GUYS. I can't. I mean I know this isn't the first time they've spoken in public like this, much to everyone's glee - but this is just too cute.



4.) DINNER WITH THE GIRLS. Supposedly the night we were meeting our friend Shoukry but we had transpo problems, we ended up having Wings (and Stings, LOL) and lots of laughter for Dinner.




5.) AFTERNOON WITH THE GIRLS. I haven't hung out with them like this in a long time so it was kind of refreshing to be in the company of these two. They're hella crazy. I'm the boring one in the group, obviously.


(Thanks for taking this photo, Nofati!)

6.) LAYLA'S GOURMET. Nof and I met Rai (after a year, LOL) at Layla's Gourmet, which Rai discovered recently. We had so much fun, we didn't even notice the time. Ambiance : 100%, Food : 75%, Company : Off the chain (also I kick it old school with the Percent-grading system).



7.) GREAT FIRST WEEK. One of the best things ever. Thank you, God!


8.) GRACE CODDINGTON BIOPIC. WHAT.


9.) ADELE'S "HELLO". I mean. What a way to start the Weekend.


10.) OCTOBER 30. I know this'll sound confusing - but yesterday, I decided on a date. On the 30th of October, I "launch" my new and improved, next-level (Abbie Standards, so nothing major. LOL!) blog. I CANNOT WAIT.

I'll see you guys soon.
Happy Weekend!!


Ditz Revolution

4 comments:

Ever Since I Left The City, You ...


You used to call me on my Cellphone / Late night when you need someone

Guys, guys, guys. I can't help but post this. I can't help it. It's too good. My Drake fever is back. Huhubells.

You got me down, you got me stressed out 



These days, all I do is wonder if you bendin' over backwards for someone else, wonder if you're rollin' up a backwoods for someone else / Doing things I taught you, gettin' nasty for someone else / You don't need no one else, you don't need nobody else, no / Why you never alone / Why you always touching road / Used to always stay at home, be a good girl / You was in the zone/  You should just be yourself / Right now, you're someone else

Hugot much.

2 comments:

It's The Smell Of Your Hair, It's The Way We Feel


I've been living under a rock, so I just recently found out about Kiana Brown. Girl is dope. I can't. Her cover of Drake's Hotline Bling is still my favorite but imagine how happy I was seeing her do what I actually (and I kid you not) had planned on doing a year ago : recording a Duet (of sorts) on some of my favorite songs. Would I be sued if I do this myself someday soon, because honestly, cross my heart - this was definitely something I thought of doing.

Anyway, this song by Miguel is my favorite off his album.
I weep at the beauty.



I mean, seriously.

0 comments:

Sunday Currently, 10.18






Bad Lighting, Dry Hair. You know the drill. Wasn't in the mood at all, but managed to push myself because I have time - and, well ... it could help.

1 comments:

Friday's Ten Happy Things.09






I definitely had no intentions of writing this week's THT because the Sandman knows how terrible I've been feeling these days. He knows because I spent nearly the entire week in his arms. Forcibly. He's been asking me to give him space but I couldn't human. But yes, it's all about perspective. I can't help but be thankful and grateful as I should be for these the awesome things that happened this week.

1. CANNOT DISCLOSE. Let me start off by the biggest and one of the best things that happened to me this week, but can't say. I don't know what's the point of me mentioning it but I'd like to look back on this post one day and remember. And be thankful. Really thankful.


2. WE GOT WET. This, you probably already know if you've read my blog in the past week. I posted a Video Blog of me swimming with these clowns. I love these jerks.



3. NOF'S BIRTHDAY. I'm never the type of person who likes to plan things and work on surprises because that really isn't the type of person I am, I'm terrible at doing them, and I proved it by how terrible our supposed SURPRISE Birthday for Nof went. But alas, none of our efforts went to waste because even if she wasn't surprised (she didn't give us the chance to surprise her, there was NO CHANCE we could have succeeded), we had loads of fun. I still laugh to this day remembering it.



4. LUNCH AT TCF. Guys, I will never not be grateful whenever I get to sit my ass down on those comfy couches at TCF. I don't even order anything else. CHICKEN KATSU, ALWAYS. Every.Single.Time.


5. PINK CAMEL ISPAHAN CAKE. I got to taste the famous Pink Camel Ispahan Cake through my colleague who bought it as a birthday cake for a small party we threw at the Office and it has not left my mind since. I was so happy that the girls let me buy the cake for Nof. Not all of them liked it though (sadly), but the upside is they let me take home the remaining 3 slices (at the same time I also bought myself two large macarons while I was there). Guys, if you live in Jeddah, you've GOT TO TRY IT. IT IS THE BEST. I plan to buy myself a whole cake by the end of the month (see this post's Cover / Header Photo - that's the Macaron that I'm still saving in the fridge. I'll get it out the next time I'm drowning in feels). But also, this is the actual Birthday Cake for Nof. OH MY GOODNESS, SO GOOD.



6. ACID BANANA. Acid Banana finally put up some of the photos we shot with Fahad on their IG page. Their website will probably be finished soon - check it out every once in a while. They seriously have the dopest shit.



(photo by my favorite, Fahad Ayyad)

7. DISNEY PRINCESS. I'm going as one of my favorite Disney Princesses for Halloween. Hopefully I'll pull it off. I'm going to be sewing the costume myself. I had so much fun making my costume back in 2013 and I look forward to reliving the excitement again. And probably pricking myself from time to time.


8. DUNKIN' GIRL. Drew and I walked halfway to Sari and then took a cab to get me some Donuts at DD. Because as you all know, I'm a Dunkin' Girl forever.



9. CAULIFLOWER LASAGNA. I don't have a photo but Drew made THE BEST, HEALTHIEST LASAGNA I have ever tasted. I cried a bit after my first bite. I don't think I have to explain how much food makes me happy.


10. PURPLE. Let me leave it at that.


So yeah, my friends are helping me create a new beginning for my blogging life. Hopefully it works out well. 

Enjoy your Sunday, Kids.




Ditz Revolution

2 comments:

I Want To Say You're Mine


Imagine my glee hearing Beirut play on Conan last week. I loooooooooooove Beirut. Totally buying their album!




SO. MANY. FEELS.
WHERE DO I PUT THEM.

0 comments:

Dear Diary


I remember reading from Paulo Coehlo's Zahir (and I'm paraphrasing) - how people could just pass by you on the street and not even know that you're carrying the world on your shoulders.

Life is happening around us. And I'm sitting here feeling the total opposite. I keep wanting what I can't have. I can't accept it. Accepting it will be the death of me.

It's a constant Sine Wave, really. Everything about me. Most of the time I stop myself from feeling anything because once things start to spiral down, I die. And then I'm back to being miserable. Do you ever feel that way? You're laughing your heart out and in a split second, you're back in your head telling yourself that this won't last. And that things will get shittier minutes from now and you'll hate yourself for being so fucking vulnerable. You allowed yourself to feel something. And now you must pay the price.

And you ask yourself over and over, you've already been here so many times. What's new? Why aren't you used to it yet? And you don't know. You never do.

When you reopen old wounds again and again, will you ever get to a time when you're numb? Why am I waiting for this to happen? I do everything with my heart.  It's not like I would feel any less any time soon. Or ever.

I keep wishing, I keep wishing - the next time I'm as happy, I just want my life to end then and there. Because I couldn't handle another disappointment. I'm so tired of the lies life makes to my face. I'm so tired of temporary bliss. I'm so tired of achieving it from situations I can't be in forever.

I'm restless again. I've been sleeping all day. I've been wondering... If I'm even really here at all. It makes no sense. To be this dead inside and still be able to open my eyes. 

I'm so close to doing it again. Somehow, I can't help but hope I would be braver to just end it all.

It's tiring. Having to be this way. It's tiring to love something so bad. And I just can't stop. Quitting has never been something I had planned on doing. And the threat of all this ending is just driving me off the edge, pushing me more. And I'm so close.

How am I supposed to do this.
I don't see things getting better.
Why is it so hard to get through my skin.
I feel a thousand times worse on the inside.

0 comments:

Wild


(a.k.a. Exchange 29)

Then there's a knot in my stomach I can't seem to untangle
I'm drowning in thoughts of hours earlier
Before the sun rose
In our quiet little bubble 

I smiled in the middle of our kiss
"Why are you laughing?", you asked
"Because I missed this", I said
And I let out a louder chuckle
As my hands, having a mind of their own 
Went on to explore the rest of your body
Lying on top of me 

It's not the same
It gets better
Oh, definitely better
I wake up with a smile on my face
And a heavy but happy heart

I let the knot settle in my stomach
Asking it to stay that way 
It is a reminder that I am alive 
And that it wasn't a dream 

0 comments:

Pre-Sushi, Pool Party of 4




Immortalized the awesomeness of this day, best accompanied by my favorite favorite favorite, the very talented Troye Sivan. I've raved about his latest EP (titled "Wild", and is available on iTunes, click here).

I can't move on from this! Best day ever.

3 comments:

Sunday Currently, 10.11

Alright. Had time to shoot, re-shoot, edit and upload! As usual, this video blog was shot under bad bad, bad lighting, and dry hair. My video blogs aren't my video blogs if it's not done in bad lighting, and dry hair sticking out of my head.

I babbled too much, obviously I had a lot to say.

0 comments:

Friday's Ten Happy Things.08



Am I seriously typing this entry again? Wasn't I just typing last week's yesterday? ... Jeez. Time flies when you spend most of your days with the Sandman. Which reminds me, I have to catch up on my reading.

1. BUH-BYE NOSE ZIT. My humongous, disgusting nose pimple cleared this week. Again, I'd post a photo but I like you guys too much. Drew got me Fucidin (who knew this shit works on zits? I didn't), then I of course used my trusty Sudocrem to prevent the dark patch from being a permanent resident on my skin.


2. COSMOS. I'm so glad I stumbled upon a review of this 12 part documentary because IT IS ... there's no word for it. If you want to make your problems seem irrelevant, try watching this documentary. I felt SO small but in a positive way. Of course there's Neil deGrasse Tyson, who I sometimes find too arrogant (especially when I read his Tweets, and this was way before I started watching Cosmos) but at the end of the day, can't find it in myself to not like him. He's too awesome. AND SCIENCE IS TOO AWESOME. I'm kinda proud that I'm one of the few Christians who is totally into and supportive of Science. I don't know. I was never the type to spark up a debate between my beliefs and what Scientists have proven so far. I don't really care, you know - my Faith never and will never falter. I will never question God's creations and what He is able to do, and I don't feel the need to "prove Science wrong" by whipping out my Bible and reciting a verse. I respect Science too much, I'm too amazed by it. At the back of my head, I know God's responsible for it. God is TOO big and He is infinite. We will never really understand His ways.


3. JOLLIBEE. I haven't had Jollibee in ages so imagine how happy I was when Drew told me we were having Dinner there. I forgot to take a photo because of how HANGRY I was.


4. TOCINO. Chicken Tocino!!! 4 Packs of it! In our Fridge! I am the happiest child.


5. WORKOUT/DIET RESULTS. So far, this is what I've achieved. As you know, the hardest to get rid of is the freakin' stubborn lower belly fat. There are days when my tummy would be flat. nearly Kenny Jenner level, and then the next day, I bloat. Of course, when I got sick, everything was put on hold. You know how it is.



6. THIS GEM. I was sorting through stuff and found a couple of new Cassette tapes that were obviously set aside by Mama. There's also the Little Mermaid OST, and Jose Mari Chan's Christmas Album (a.k.a. the Cassette Tape I would clutch even in my sleep at 5 years old). I don't know why we have new ones, but of course I have my own unopened (with accompanying laspag na leaflet) tapes somewhere in the other boxes.



7. THE JENNER SISTERS' APPS. The days I couldn't sleep (basically every day of the week), I would spend hours on the girls' apps. I love them so much. Kylie's glam videos inspired me to try new tricks in applying make-up. and Kendall's videos on the other hand, inspires me to go au naturelle. I love them so much.



8. GEL POLISH. I got a new shade of  Gel Polish from Nails Inc., my now go-to brand for Nail Lacquers. There's always going to be Chanel though (of course), which mostly takes up my Lacquer shelf.


9. THIS GIRL. Went to Tahlia with Nof, supposedly shopping for her next trip, but there was a small boo-boo so we decided to wrap up early and have dinner at Shake Shack (I haven't been in years, by the way).



10. JEDDAH LIVE ON SNAPCHAT. Jeddah is a very humble city, with very rich culture and history. It's a perfect mix of both modern and low-key. You can't see it on Snapchat, of course. It may not be a Tourist attraction, but Jeddah is Jeddah. It's home. I will love it no matter what. The best part is, someone took a Snapchat of my hood! That's a gigantic Bike, which is a Landmark and a Roundabout (the base is under renovation).



Aaaaaaand that's about it. I'm shivering in front of the computer (A.C. is directed at me) so I should stop yapping. Have a happy and blessed weekend, kids.



Ditz Revolution

2 comments:

Do You Know Me At All

What made you think I was a Doctor
A Sanctuary
A Mother

What made you think I was someone who could heal you
What made you think it was all I did, do
What made you think I wasn't broken too?

What made you think it was okay for me to pick up your broken pieces
To fix you
To heal you

What made you think you could leave the second you recover
What made you think I didn't need healing too?

What made you think it was okay
I was okay
Was it my chosen silence?
Didn't you think it was a weapon I was forced to create the moment you walked out
...The first time

Why do you come back to me broken
Is it because you know I like mending you piece by piece 
Because you know I know every puzzle
Every patch of skin 
Every part of your heart
Is it because you know how much I love

Your face resting on my neck
Your heavy heart beating against mine
Your saltwater 
On my lips

Don't you hear me cry for help
Don't you hear me screaming
Don't you hear me call out your name

In the intensity of my kiss
In the aggression of my touch
In the begging of my tears




0 comments:

Friday's Ten Happy Things.07




Grabe, this week. Okay na sana if it wasn't for ... Friday. But still publishing this entry anyway, because I'm still alive (yay). 


1. YUMMY IN MY TUMMY. A week won't pass by without food-related happiness. Maybe I'll let the photos speak for itself. We were actually supposed to have dinner at The Cheesecake Factory but had to wait an hour and ten minutes for a table? Texas, here we come.





2. APPLE MONEY. Finally got me that $50.00 iTunes card. Okay, Drew did. Haha! That's one thing off my list (see recent Sunday, Currently entry).




3. GELATO. Couldn't settle for one, so I got two! My friends told me to try the Sea Salt Caramel. Definitely getting that next time.



4. HIPSTAMATIC. As explained on a photo I just uploaded on Instagram, Hipstamatic has been a favorite app since 2009. I couldn't access anything, couldn't even log in to my account especially after switching phones but thankfully, after the recent update, I'm able to use it again, and even if I couldn't restore purchases, I had to buy most of the films, flashes and lenses again. I regret nothing.


5. THESE TWO. Muha asked for my help with filling out his application so we decided to hang out at the Village with Nof. And yes, those are Crocs.



6. EAR CANDY. Troye Sivan's "Wild" and Lana Del Ray's "Honeymoon" have been my jam these days. So happy I bought their albums. And then, and then, and then - my Tumblrfriends raved about Gambino covering Tamia's So Into You so I immediately checked it out and squirmed in my seat - it was so good, it made me uncomfortable, but in a good way.


7. CHOCOLATE. Duh. I bought me a half dozen (because everything's finished) of DD's because I'm a DD girl forever. And Drew made Brownies.



Focus Fail.

8. QUIET TIME. Drew and I are pretty simple people. We enjoy each other's company by having long, sometimes meaningless, but mostly ~*deep*~ conversations over (cliché) Coffee.



9. OLIVER + COLBERT. Need I say more? I was so psyched to see them in a single frame.


10. RECOVER...ING. From Food Poisoning! Ironically, both food and my body betrayed me this week, after I realized that the Eggs Benedict I joyfully stuffed in my mouf gave me the sickies. It was a day of hell. I have never been that sick, ever. Miraculously, I recovered in a day. Not fully - as I type this entry with slight fever, and my kalamnans still hurt like shit. Been asking for lots and lots and lots of back, arm, leg, foot, hand, head rubs from Drew. 

I'll probably still spend most of the next couple of days in bed. Nursing myself, and also the huge, disgusting pimple on my nose (by the way, also the first time I've had a zit THIS big, and THIS gross).

Prayers, please.



Ditz Revolution

2 comments:

Sunday Currently, 9.27




READING.
Sandman Vol. 01

WRITING.
Just done writing an entry about a dream I had.

LISTENING.
Dustin O'Halloran's Opus 23

THINKING.
About what we're having for Dinner!

SMELLING.
The Cheddar and Sour Cream flavored Ruffles I just stuffed my face with.
Yum.

WISHING.
We'd still have the energy to actually go out to have Dinner like normal human beings.

HOPING.
I could find the motivation to start working on what I need to start working on.

WEARING.
This cheap "El Capitan" shirt I got for PHP 100.00 from Ruins in BF Homes.



LOVING.
My current state of serenity. Knowing myself, it won't take very long before I relapse back to my worrysome, paranoid self.

WANTING.
A $50.00 iTunes card! I need to buy new filters for my Hipstamatic Camera, also the new Lana Del Ray album, and Magic Mike XXL's OST!

NEEDING.
Cake. OH MY GOSH I FORGOT THAT DREW MADE BROWNIES.
/Happy Dance/

FEELING.
Quite hopeful.
Quite terrified.

0 comments:

What Happened?


It was a decent house, surrounded by trees. It was white and made of Wood, had several floors - maybe two. 

Everyone else was leaving, I was watching their silhouettes dance around in the forest next to the Porch - all, except for you, slouched on the floor, bag in hand. I smiled after finding you, but I already knew where you were. I mean, my heart did. I half-closed the door, knelt down next to you, and leaned in for a kiss. You turned the other way, evading me completely. I froze, still pouting. "Just one", I said. "Not now", was your response, to which you continued with "It's not the right time". Deep down I knew it was a risk to be taken. I didn't expect much, but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt. It hurt like hell.

Outside, your Cousin stood still, I was quite unsure if he was watching us from the reflection on the cabinet mirror opposite the door. I walk past him anyway, pretending that nothing happened, asking him if he had everything he needed.

And then I woke up.
Feeling rejected in real life.
Then I'm rejected in a dream.

Just when I thought the Sandman and I were already good friends.
Then again, that's how we started, right? Before you royally screwed me over.
Before I let you. Before I let me. Before I let us.
Before we savored every second of it.

Can you not leave me like this?

Usually I would mention this - about having a dream, or a bad dream, and you were always the first one to ask.

"What happened?"

I'm answering a question that isn't even being asked.
I get by, pretending it is.
Hopefully one day I won' t have to.
Hopefully one day you will.

Again.


0 comments:

Friday's Ten Happy Things.06



My gosh, can I apologize for how late this is? But I think you know - that's my charm. Similar to last week, mine was pretty rough, emotionally speaking. Roller Coaster, as usual. But alas, look at all the amazing things I was blessed with this past week. STOP BEING A WET BLANKET, ABBUDAB.


1. CAUGHT UP WITH THESE CLOWNS. I haven't seen them in months, so I placed my Introversion on pause, went and had a nice, simple dinner with them at Karlo's house, and then swam for an hour at the Compound pool. 



2. SWAM WITH THE GIRLS. I spent a day with my former colleagues / forever family at the Village and I made use of our GoPro for the first time in a Pool. I also got my Bronze back! Damn, I finally found the best Tan Deepener EVER. My tan never looked this good, I'm telling you.




3. HUNG OUT WITH THESE GUYS. See, Nof was craving for Sushi and asked us out to Dinner. But thanks to this guy (see left-most corner of photo below), who ended up too lazy to drag his ass out of bed, changed plans last minute and invited us over to his house and mind you, also asked us to bring food where we spent the rest of the evening until past midnight. We didn't end up having Sushi. But Pizza, 7amdiyat, M3sel and these faces are all I need in this life of sin. Lelz.



4. SMOKY PALETTE, FINALLY. I don't know how many times I've put off getting it. I don't, then I regret it. So when Drew threw me my allowance (he literally throws it to me, it's awesome), I used it to get me this baby. And I think this is all the eye make-up I need in the world. I'm a simple girl, really. The only make-up I do on my eyes is the Smoky lewk. It's been that way since College and I like it best on myself so I never really thought of trying anything else. I've experimented with pastels and corals and greens and blues, but nothing gets me like the Smoky. Smoky all day, all year. Even during Summer. I don't know why I keep buying a lot of them (Eyeshadows), when I end up getting the same hues and shades. All Brown. All Nude. All Black. But they're beautiful.



5. SHOOT WITH FAHAD AYYAD. If you're based in the Middle East, you must have already heard of this great, great, great Photographer. Ever since my friend Loji tagged me on one of his posts, I became an instant fan of his. Do check him out on Instagram (@fahadayyadphoto). It was a dream come true when he asked me to model for him. I CAN'T EVEN. Also, I was so happy seeing how my legs looked that day. Kind of a motivation for me to keep doing what I'm doing. Fahad and I both uploaded a couple of the photos on Instagram (wearing clothes from Acid Banana - @acid.banana) - I'm in love with all the photos he sent me, it was so hard trying not to flood. The struggle is real.



6. LUNCH WITH MY PEOPS. Yousuf (right-most on bottom-right photo below) has been a good friend of mine all these years. And thanks to him, most of our meet-ups wouldn't even happen. He treated us out to Lunch this week, including people I barely get to see (and miss and love), it was awesome. Not to mention, because Yousuf knows the best way to make my belly happy - PIZZA FUSION. 



7. BEST GEL POLISH ... EVER. I'm very maarte when it comes to my Nails. I hoard A LOT of Lacquers (recently I'm all about the Nudes and French Tips), and of course you know that GEL POLISH is a gift from the gods, but I never really found the one that lived up to its name, until this week. SAR 70.00 a pop, and deep down I was like "this better be worth it", and hot damn it is. Maya, if you're reading this - we found it, Baby! Hahaha!



8. NOF IN DUBAI. If you're on my Instagram/Twitter, you probably know who Nof is. We're basically Sisters. The fact that she was able to take a much-deserved break meant a great deal to me as well. I just wanted her out of Jeddah so she could have fun and laugh and smile the way she used to. Her happiness is mine, even if I wish I could've been with her, it's more than enough for me that she's having the time of her life. I made her a collage too! Do you see how hot she is? Say "MashaAllah!".



9. THIS PHOTO OF MINDY AND CHRIS. Like I even need to explain why? P E R F E C T.



10. THIS EPISODE OF OTWOL. And basically each episode this week. I love them so much. JaDine FOREVER!




Hope you had an amazing Weekend. Was planning to shoot a Video Blog for Sunday Currently but if I don't have time, I'll probably just publish an entry and shoot the Video Blog next time.

Hugging you.


Ditz Revolution

0 comments:

Chasing Our Tails


I'm trying to remember what it's like, moments before I'd receive a message from you. I'm trying to remember the usual things I'd do, my heart rate. What my thoughts were. But then nothing. 

All I could remember was how everything else disappeared, blurred in the background, shoved in the dark - all I know are those moments. Your "Hey", or "Hi", or whatever you decide to say first. Whatever weapon you choose to break the numbing silence, to stretch out to the distance.

But you keep taking me back here, to this hole, to this rut. And I don't know how much longer I have to wait this time, or if you're ever coming back. Why do you keep doing this to me, why do I let you, why have I given you so much power? Why am I so weak around you?

I've asked myself these questions, sometimes you, but from a distance, in silence - for years. But boy, do I like it. I realized I must like it - because I can never seem to stop. You, or myself, from going around in circles. Said it before and I'll say it again - you like giving me wings, but you also like cutting them off. I wonder who's more of the sadist between us.

I don't know how to deal with this sadness. I'm tossing and turning in bed, I'm restless. I feel like I'm about to lose it. I close my eyes and I see your face. And I want them to stay closed, until I know they would meet yours when I open them.

Of all the people I couldn't unlove, it had to be you.

Restless again.
I've paced around my room, singing this song, and I'm restless again.

How do I do this?
Tell me.
It feels like I'm drowning.
It feels like I'm sinking deeper.
And it keeps going, and I'm struggling, and I'm running out of breath but I don't.
It doesn't feel like I'm ever getting to the bottom.
I'm just sinking.
And I'm crawling out of my skin.

I'm banging my head on the wall.
And I'm choking.
I'm losing my breath.

What do I do.
Just hold me.
I've let myself go, but I've never lost grip of your hand.
I've let myself go, so don't let me.
The only way I know I'm here is because you are.
I've never ached as much for another.

I close my eyes and I see your face.
"What do we do now?" I ask. "We stay here", you say.
Where is here? I bury my head in my hands.

And I wait.
I wait 'til I feel your hands on my face.
Until you raise my head up for you to kiss me.

And I wait.
And I cry.
And I wait.
And I long.

0 comments:

Friday's Ten Happy Things.05




Can I just say, I'm really thankful that my wifey Helga came up with something like this. I mean, I'm having a rough week, emotionally - but I feel compelled (in the best way) to think about the littlest, simplest (which is usually the best) of things that made me smile this week. Hope that more people who still blog like this would join us. 

1. THE MINDY PROJECT. I mean c'mon. Have you seen Season 4's Pilot? THAT IS HOW IT IS DONE, MY FRIENDS! And the best part is, I get to watch it on Tuesdays now. And Tuesday is my favorite day!


2. iOS 9 UPDATE. I didn't like the interface at first but it's growing on me, especially the font! I was hesitant to update right away but you know how I feel about those notifications. Ugh.


3. OTWOL. Because fudgedarnit, like do I even need to explain why? This week's episodes are all fire. I see James Reid's face and I just can't. I can't. I can't. It's bringing out the Teenager in me, but who am I kidding - I'm never not a Teenager.


4. MINDY FOR SHOPBOP. I mean, look at this Woman. How can you not love her. I fell in love with all the photos on the website, I immediately changed my old Mindy (phone) wallpaper to this :



5. ALLOWANCE! Drew threw me a bill today. SO HAPPY BECAUSE MY WALLET ISN'T EMPTY ANYMORE. /happy tears/


6. PIZZA FUSION. My intense, intense craving was put to rest when Drew gave in to my constant whining for a full hour that we get Pizza for Dinner even if it wasn't Cheat Day. I can be a total bitch when my stomach is in full control of my whole being. I don't care, the stomach wants what it wants. Look at this baby. Mmm. Yes. Get in my belly.



7. MY WORKOUT & DIET PROGRAM. Tailored for me by Drew, by the way, and it's really working! I'd post a photo of what I've achieved so far but probably next time when things are more visible. I can't not be proud of it, I've worked so hard.


8. A SONOGRAM OF MY GODDAUGHTER. One of my childhood best friends tweeted me a photo of her Sonogram and it's still one of the most surreal things ever. I'm so happy for us.


9. MERCURY RETROGRADE. I think I'm being sarcastic but it's also all about perspective! 3 Weeks of this? BRING IT ON! But wait, umm lemme gather my weapons first. This is going to be interesting. I shoved all my apps (except Instagram) into a corner, labelled "Sshhh" because I don't want to go on a rant-spree when things get too intense. My emotions are WAY cray. WAY. CRAY.


10. OVERCOMING A WAR. With myself, as usual. I was so close, but I slapped myself in the face. It's good, it's all good. Thank You, God.


Good things coming, you guys. Let's try our best to be as optimistic as possible. Enjoy the Weekend! Spread the love!



Ditz Revolution

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